USA appears to be an entirely fake nation, with all its components nothing more than 2-dimensional cardboard cut-outs

A U.S. citizen returning to her home last week after a vacation in Italy was shocked to discover that the place she had once considered to be a nation in existence since 1776 with the motto “In God We Trust” that harmoniously comprised a melting pot of human beings from all nations who had moved there for its many qualities, especially the right to pursue happiness, is actually a piece of wild land covered in myriad potemkin villages built by imperial powers to show off their wealth and try out products in a simulated reality on actors from other countries and androids created especially to inhabit the giant, inhospitable territory.

“I used to think I was eating food when I went to Subway — an Italian combo sandwich was always the one I ordered — but after I went to Italy and ate a real sandwich, I realized that the stuff I had been buying was nothing more than crap,” said the 34-year-old New York woman. “I don’t know if it was cardboard or only tasted like cardboard, but whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t food.”

After staying with an Italian family for a week, the woman is now sure that her family and the ones she is accustomed to meeting at home are not really families. “They kicked me out as soon as I turned 18 and told me to find my way in the world,” she says of her parents. “And my brother only keeps in touch by BBM.” In Italy, the families she met actually lived together, ate together, and spoke in person. “The grandmother lived in the same state as her grandson — she volunteered to babysit him, and she didn’t even remonstrate her daughter about how she needed to marry a richer man so they could hire a babysitter!”

“I guess that’s why they don’t like the family TV dramas that are so popular in the States,” she continued with some disappointment. “They don’t need to take solace in simulated families, because they have real ones.”

The woman recently returned from Italy had always been warned by her doctor not to drink coffee after having an episode that mimicked bipolar disorder when she drank a tall cup of Starbucks Italian roast in 1997. But in Italy, she was persuaded to drink a Cafe Latte that tasted nothing like the Lattes sold at Starbucks. “It was a small portion, really small. I kept waiting for them to apologize and pour in more coffee, but that was it, just a teacup full. And afterwards, I hardly felt any different! I guess the thing I drank at Starbucks was another one of those product tests they do in our potemkin villages.”

While the woman had grown used to communicating with friends mainly by posting comments on their Facebook walls and liking their own posts on hers, sending text messages and going to massive parties which she was invited to over email by a third party invitation service, in Italy she saw friends calling each other on the phone, not once, but twice or three times a day.

“They didn’t seem annoyed when their friends actually called them — and they even picked up the phone!”

Emotions, something people in the potemkin villages have long been warned not to exhibit for fear of losing favor with the imperialists who have hired them to simulate reality, were readily and openly displayed by people in Italy, much to the woman’s shock.

“I went to a birthday party for a woman whose husband was cheating on her,” reports the woman. “She was openly depressed. She chain smoked joints, making it clear to everyone that she was not using the correct coping mechanisms, like antidepressants and Eckhart Tolle literature. She didn’t even fake smile when she ate her cake and later stubbed a cigarette out in it.” The woman was even more surprised that this open display of justifiable emotion was accepted by the Italian woman’s peers. 

“In the car back home, not one person said she needed help. They just acted like it was natural or something, saying she wasn’t ‘having her best moment.’”

The woman’s return to a vast wilderness has left her unsure of what to do, or who she really is. “Since I was born in Philly, I guess the big question is, am I an android?” she asks. “Or is that just a lie I was told after being trafficked from a real country and brainwashed into living my life to test out products like the Kindle and ‘How I Met Your Mother?’”